Wallflower

I’ve felt pretty disconnected lately. I’m starting to believe I’m just a really awkward person. As I’ve gotten older I’ve felt myself become more and more antisocial. I used to love people and parties and socializing but within the past year I’ve felt myself grow into a recluse, hiding away in my shell. Aka my room or the gym or the woods but basically any given environment where I don’t have to socialize. I think part of it has to do with the company. I’ve always thought I was a relatively friendly person but it seems like no one really wants to be my friend so I’ve kind of given up on exerting any effort. This sound whinny, doesn’t it? Just for once though I wish someone would text me and ask me to go shopping with them or call me to tell me a story and vent. Why aren’t I that person to anybody outside of my family? I fee so unlikeable. Not to the point where I’m necessarily sad but it does bum me out a bit. In high school I was under the impression that I had so many friends but I’m starting to realize that the people I had depended on the most don’t really care all that much. Growing up is just such a strange process. Not even in terms of money or college but I’m definitely not a naïve as I was even just a year ago. A younger me had so much faith in humanity and truly believed there was good in everyone. But it’s not the case and it sucks. So many people lie and cheat another’s feelings and just engage in behavior that I rather not participate in these days. Maybe I’m boring. Maybe I’m just a bitch with a stick up her ass. But I don’t need to get drunk every weekend or sleep around or spend all my money on pills. I’m just happy when the sun is shining and I can go for a walk under a canopy of trees while discussing all these idiotic thoughts with someone else